The good news about bad moods
Sadness, anger, guilt and fear. As modern, evolved, professional, successful human beings, we tend go out of our way to avoid these feelings. And we go even further to avoid showing that we feel them*.
But emotions can be data points. Pieces of information that can be really useful to us, if we’re prepared to really feel them, name them and address the fact they are present.
Even in the most trusting of coaching or listening environments, admitting to any of these emotions can be fraught with… well more sadness, guilt, anger and fear. And our reluctance to ‘feel them out loud’ tends to push them into a corner where they build up, unnoticed, until a small chink appears where they can safely be acknowledged. And then the intensity of these emotions causes tears - the physical manifestation of strong emotion, or strong data signals.
As a coach I never shy away from strong emotions, or tears, in a coaching session, because I know there is an upside. Firstly, releasing the pressure in a non-judgemental, non-hurried environment makes people feel better. Always. But secondly strong emotions can be really useful to:
help us recognise what is really important
form arguments to support this
encourage perserverence
help us drill down to the root cause of an issues, and what is most difficult about it
identify red lines and non-negotiables
remove or reduce some problems that are largely the result of pretending to be fine
help us forgive ourselves for our feelings and/or our actions
So next time you’re in a bad mood, or feel overwhelmed by emotions, don’t shut them away. They’re carrying useful data that you can use to improve your situation.
*Especially women. See my blog on Ugly Emotions here.
Photo by Stewart MacLean on Unsplash